If you hadn't heard: A group that was almost certainly Russian military intelligence stole almost 20,000 emails from the DNC and Wikileaks published them on Saturday. Personally, I doubt that there's anything in them, but---
---they're literally the smoking gun of a plot to steal the nomination for Hillary Cl---
---no, no, I'm certain that they're not---
---okay, okay, I'll take a look and see what's there. Here we go.
attention conservation notice: This post is long. Like, 7000 words long. If you just want to skip to the executive summary at the end, I won't blame you. There, I go over the material that I cover below with convenient links back to the relevant section, if at any point you want to go back